I didn't want this to be another blog about disability/chronic conditions, but I really need to whine. I am still excited about my job. I love working there, but sometimes, just getting myself kick started in the morning to go, is a huge struggle. I have to get up an hour and forty five minutes before I need to leave just to be able to gather my strength and energy to leave. Once I'm going and actually getting ready, it takes less than 20 min. to shower, put on makeup, wrestle my natural frizz into some semblance of a style, get dressed and drag myself out the door.
Once I'm at work, I'm okay. Sometimes I have to struggle to complete a task, sometimes I have to really give myself a kick to start moving once I'm there, but I'm always glad to be there. I can sometimes work an hour or so over and do okay, but when I get home...OH BOY! Just sitting still for the half hour it takes to drive home, stiffens me up enough that getting out of the truck is a struggle, and the three steps up to the front door might as well be 7 flights of stairs. Then I have to sit still for at least half an hour in the house, take some pain pills that do little to help, but the little is better than nothing, wait for them to kick in, then drag myself to bed for a nap. The rest of the evening? I get dinner going with help from the kids, and that's about it. Perhaps a load of laundry on occasion, and then it's sitting in my chair with something to keep my hands busy, or my mind busy and praying that sleep will come soon so I will FINALLY call the day over. There is a difference between being sleepy, and being dog tired. When I'm dog tired, I have a hard time falling asleep. I feel sleepy, but the pain in my muscles won't let me fall asleep. SO...I pop a few pills the doctor has prescribed that is suppose to make me sleepy, which no longer do that, a few more pain pills, and wait for something to happen. This morning I finally fell asleep around 3 am. I had to shift through different sleeping areas to find one that would cause the least amount of pain. I started in Her Majesties spare bed, that wasn't good, my hip bone felt like it was going to poke through my skin. Which considering all the padding in that area, I don't think it could really happen, but it is really try to work it's way through. Then it was on to my bed where Hubby was snoring like a chainsaw cutting through sheet metal, which wont let me drift off. Then I moved out to the couch. Knowing I would have to get up in 3 and a half hours, but somehow, after kicking the cats off the couch with me several times, I think I finally drifted off, or passed out, I'm not sure which. Then the vicious circle starts again with daybreak.
Why am I doing this. Huh, I wanted to feel "normal"...HA!!! I know that life has changed and I guess this IS normal for me. It is good for me to get out and about, to talk to someone over the age of 14 face to face. I know Hubby is nearly 43, but sometimes the conversation is the same with my 14 year old as him. Bathroom humor never goes out of style for some guys..make that most guys. I'm sure I will loose weight eventually too. I sweat like a running faucet the 4 hours I'm there. I am using my muscles, which has that "Use it or loose it" necessity to it, and I'm really hoping that I will gain strength.
But here it is 12:30 at night, I know I have to get up in 6 hours but I need 10 hours sleep (Chronic Fatigue...it's such a wonderful thing), and I will wake in the morning and try to remind my self why I am doing this to myself again. I want to be productive, contribute, and feel "normal". What a joke!!!
Pity Party over for one night.
Her Majesty did this to poor Sammy, OH yeah...she's pissed. 
This is my 125 gallon tank. This is a video my Prochilodus Insignia, I call him Baby. It's the big silver fish with the red and black striped tail. He is a little over a foot long. I'm not sure if he is actually a he, but "he" works for me. He eats from my hands and is such a little begger. Now he has moved up a notch on the food chain and eats from a spoon. He is sucking up some thawed/frozen blood worms and mysis shrimp. He is too funny. I would like to say that I'm not insane and feeding fish from a spoon, but I guess it's too late for that.
